As a devoted yogi, I had to appreciate a mom's recent confession about how she farted in yoga class. And not in a discreet, maybe-no-one-noticed kind of way. This was a grand display of bodily function of the variety she couldn't deny.
Laura Mazza, who blogs at Mum on the Run, shared her cringe-worthy moment on Facebook, where it promptly went viral. Because don't we all fear this so-not-namaste moment happening to us?
"I'd like to say I'm making this story up, but alas no," Mazza began her so-honest account. She then goes on to confess, "I have muscle separation. Having kids separated my abdominal wall like Moses parting the Red Sea. Yeah it's not good and my stomach kinda points out like a cone. So you know, I am trying to get fitter and fix it so it was suggested by a physio to try yoga."
Mazza says she pulled on a pair of stretchy pants and headed to class, which was all dark and full of candles. "I'm thinking, holy sh*t this is real… not like 5, 6, 7, 8 and stretccchh… this is 'I'm going to go to a high place of enlightenment' right here."
But the enlightenment didn't last long. After being prompted to introduce herself to the women around her, whom Mazza perceived to be far more manicured and shaved than herself, the mom proceeded to contort herself into what she calls "random positions."
"We move into the downward facing dog… and that's when I started to feel my guts," Mazza writes, and then confesses she has been suffering from IBS symptoms of late. Here's where she gets so real, it might be too much for some. "My farts stink like something mixed between a rotten egg and an incineration plant," she shares.
"And somewhere between the dolphin position and the three legged dog two of those burning garbage eggs slip out and I fart. I farted. I farted at yoga," Mazza then recounts, adding, "I'm a walking cliche. My pelvic floor has failed me."
Thankfully, her gas passing was of the silent but deadly kind. "But then we move to some position where my heads between my legs, and the smell hits me like a punch to the nose. I died inside and now I officially smell like something has also died inside," she writes. Mazza begins to think maybe she should leave the class, and possibly the country.
After reassuring herself that everyone farts, Mazza suffers a far more embarrassing fate. When the teacher comes over to help her with a position, the mom says, "The loudest trumpet comes out of my ass." She says about her reaction, "My face flushes red and I have tears in my eyes from the embarrassment."
Having reached her humiliation limit for the day, Mazza exited the class ASAP, but not before she notices everyone around her is staring at her in shock. All her "guru ashram" instructor can do is put her hands together in prayer and say "namaste."
"I'm never ever ever EVER, doing yoga again. Fu*k the muscle separation," Mazza ends her post.
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Mazza says the response to her blog post has been overwhelmingly positive. "I expected to get a bit of negativity but there hasn't been any," she tells Parents. "People have been messaging me to give me advice about IBS, about muscle separation and even sharing their own stories about farting at yoga. It's given me so much reassurance as well as a big laugh! I'm glad I shared it."
Hey listen, even though clearly this was a beyond-embarrassing incident, we so appreciate that she shared it with the web. Because now we all feel a little more normal—even if we haven't been in this exact situation. Trust, Laura. We've all peed in the car postpartum. Or let out a huge burp mid-pregnancy. Or passed gas in public. So don't be too hard on yourself. And remember, even "guru ashram" teachers are human!
Melissa Willets is a writer/blogger/mom. Find her on Facebook and Instagram where she chronicles her life momming under the influence. Of coffee.
